Tim: “I was drawn to the emphasis on soul in the curriculum. I was drawn to the idea of an education that transforms and challenges…Most of all I was drawn to how I was seen and met at Meridian…”

I was not looking for a PhD program when I found Meridian University (Institute of Imaginal Studies at the time). I had my Master’s Degree from Cal State Northridge, spent a year at Esalen Institute and was ready to pursue my career. But I felt very drawn to the school. The more I investigated the stronger that draw became. 

I was drawn to the emphasis on soul in the curriculum. I was drawn to the idea of an education that transforms and challenges. I was drawn to the quality of the other students. Most of all I was drawn to how I was seen and met at Meridian; I did not feel like just another student—I felt deeply met in my uniqueness in a way that allowed me to come forward and discover myself. I remember falling to my knees weeping in a gesture of gratitude to a faculty member and being met by the tears of the other. Extraordinary transformative moments like this, and others from my time at Meridian, live in me and fuel my ongoing growth. 

Along with moments of gratitude there were times of great challenge; times when my wounds were alive and I was filled with fear and anger and hatred. At those difficult times it was all I could do not to turn away and run—thinking in my pain that if I ran fast enough I could somehow run away from myself. In those dark moments I wanted to burn it all down. Light, in that darkness, came in the form of gentle, firm guidance from faculty. I was given a unique opportunity to reach into the pain and through the pain to the deeper sense of humanness that lies behind the pain. It was through this work, more than anything else, that I was able to begin to access the deep intuition, compassionate insight and creative expression that have always lived beneath the pain. It changed me. What I know now is how rare opportunities of this kind are. Containers that transmute hatred into profound compassion are sacred. 

In retrospect I believe it is these dark moments of transmutation that I am most grateful for. Without this wildly skillful work my pain, which in the past has created vast wreckage in my life, might well have continued to color my vision in ways that drove others away and left me lost and bitter. The faculty’s willingness to swim in the deep waters of challenge and change - and assume the attendant risks - has gifted me in ways for which I will always be grateful. As of this moment, I know of no other school with this level of courage and commitment to transformative education. I was seen as a unique individual, met as a unique individual and challenged in the way that I hope every aspiring psychotherapist is challenged as they prepare to offer care to others. It is a heavy responsibility to sit with those in need and Meridian takes its responsibility to the individual student, to the culture as a whole, and to potential future clients, very seriously.

What I felt, throughout my education, was an invitation to come forward; to reach deeply into myself to see what I found. I was not being told who I was, I was being facilitated in discovering for myself who I am. The learning activities that were utilized offered me a simple structure from which to dive deeply into self. Sometimes I lacked the courage to face myself. During those times I was supported sitting in and living through the fear by uniformly caring and knowledgeable faculty. I was never forced to do anything but over and over again gently invited to challenge myself and move deeper into the truth of my own being.

I am more because of my education at Meridian; I am more whole in this world than I was before. As a father, I am more aware, more present, more solid and more open to challenge. As a partner I have more integrity, more courage and more profound vulnerability. As a clinician I am so much more comfortable in my own skin. In a way that was not possible for me, before, I am able to access and honor my intuition, my deep knowing, and meet my clients with it. There is a direct causal link between my ability to access and act on these intuitions now and the extraordinary and challenging work of self-exploration I was guided through in my coursework at Meridian. The faculty saw beauty in me that I did not see in myself. I see it now. 

So many individuals at Meridian moved me deeply and helped me but I need to speak in particular to Dr. Aftab Omer. I felt seen by him in a way that I had never felt seen before. That mirroring was a constant invitation to come forward; not to follow him—but to join him in mutual exploration. The combination of his unwavering interest, his profound compassion, his respectful directness, his extraordinarily broad knowledge and intellect, and perhaps most important his commitment to transformation and the truth of the moment was, is, and will always be a precious gift to me. 

I very much want to live my best possible life. I very much want to be able to bring forward and unwrap the gifts I came into this world to give. I very much want to feel, when I look back at 90, like my life has meaning and value and that the world is better for me being in it. Meridian in general, and Aftab Omer in particular, have moved me closer to these goals.

How can I not be grateful for this? How can I not thank those who point out that my pockets are full of gems I did not see?  Who knew?

In Gratitude,

Tim Willison, PhD
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Certified Alcohol and Drug Counselor